so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
