He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
