My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
