You can't special order awesome
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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