I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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