i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I look better un-naked...
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
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I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
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Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
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