I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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