shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
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