It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
