It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
50% drunk capacity currently
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I lost the right to judge tonight
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
