we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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