one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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