If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
