just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
