I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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