At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
