i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
