sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Did I show you my penis last night?
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Your cock deserves a montage
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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