My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Randomize
