Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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