I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
