i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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