Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
the room spins SO much faster in panama
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
