you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I checked into jail on foursquare
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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