so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
