if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I am available for nakedness
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