His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
