yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
