Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
