Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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