lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
