WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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