I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
