Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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