I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
