Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
