Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
