you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
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