Yo dont text me then not text me
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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