I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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