Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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