my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
