my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
You did what with his pubic hair?
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