just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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