Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
