Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Randomize
