ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Randomize
