Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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