Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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