you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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