Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I want her autograph on my taint
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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