I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
