Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
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