I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
I need to stop coming to work sober
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Randomize
