I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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