Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
