that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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