that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
