Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
