Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
