If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
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