At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
They are going to name an STD after you.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
