girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
