Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
