were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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