you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
