do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
