We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
