I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
You have to summon your inner elephant
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
The air taste purple.
Randomize
