This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
