there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
